I was out with some friends and ended up having the most illuminating conversation with a wonderful, wise and enlightened soul. I gained a couple perspective-shifting nuggets of wisdom that night, which I will share with you this week. I am always the first one to vehemently defend the underdog and have always considered myself to be a pretty non-judgmental person, however this weekend I discovered my Achilles heel.
I realized the people who I judge are the judgmental.
I have been the victim of harsh and unfounded judgement many times in my life, so this is a very raw spot in my heart and psyche. A part of me has always wished that those mean and judgmental people would finally be punished, fire and brimstone style, for the pain they inflicted on others. I wished to shine a light on their unkindness and make them realize and feel ashamed for their behavior.
What I realized this weekend is that makes me the same kind of people they are.
I, like them, have been acting out of fear, hurt and sadness.
The truth, and get ready for this one it is a doozy- the truth of the matter is that other people cannot really hurt us. I believe we are infinite beings having a human experience, so despite what happens here, when we consider ultimate reality we are safe. Also, what others say to or about us is not THE truth, it is THEIR truth.
Every single person on this planet is acting out of their own subjective experience, and the things that people say to you are actually them telling you about themselves! Here is a conversation/ scenario to help you understand.
You happily wear a new dress and do your hair and makeup beautifully to go out with some friends. Your boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband is not able to join you. As you arrive, a friend turns to you and says in a vicious and sarcastic tone:
“Why are you dressed up like that? Are you looking for a man?”
The correct response to this is:
“Is that why you dress up? To look for men?”
The things that people think and the things that people say are sprung out of their own fears, values and insecurities.
Often judgemental people are very unhappy and have been abused and judged harshly by the people they love the most. As I said before, what they say is not the truth, it is their truth. What they really need is a huge dose of compassion, non-judgement and loving kindness. Easier said than done I know, but the best things usually are.
During the conversation I asked my friend what I could do to help shift my mentality towards these people. She said every morning when I wake up, I should visualize those who judged and hurt me and send loving thoughts towards them and wish for them to find peace and happiness within themselves.
At the end of the day, the only person whose behaviour we have control over is our self. If you are kind and loving to someone and they respond with anger, judgement, hatred and negativity that is out of your control. Be kind anyways. It is time for all of us to shift out of that revenge mode where we are wishing to punish those who have caused us pain.
That is not for us to do. Those people are usually living in their own self-inflicted torture chambers. Free yourself of that negative emotion, the things they say are not true and this is why it upsets you. Do not let it affect you, wish them love and happiness and move on. Continue to joyfully follow your life path and your intuition. Keep shining beautiful souls!