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The Art of Unlearning

Plus Size Model Curvy Trini

I heard a story some time ago.

For generations, there was a special type of baked fish dish a family would serve at all events. The dish was prepared the same way every time. They would cut purchase an entire fish and cut off the fishes head.

The family members had come to believe that fish heads were gross and had to be removed. One day they found an old recipe book hand written by the long passed great, great grandmother when she first moved from the old country. When they flipped through to find the long treasured family fish recipe they saw the following words:

“Remove the head of the fish, in order to fit into the dish.”

The only reason the head had been removed was because that old granny’s dish was not large enough to fit the entire fish!

Sometimes we do things or develop particular attitudes because they are what we were taught. We don’t even know why we are doing them. This becomes dangerous when these attitudes we have cause pain to other people.

As children, our families teach us things out of love in order to protect us from the outer world. Part of becoming an adult is figuring out how much of this knowledge is fear based and what is the truth.

The truth is subjective. Reality is subjective. We have to find a way to look within, think critically and unlearn the beliefs that are not serving us any more as well as the ones that just don’t make any sense.

A great catalyst for me in this process was when I was attending a church service at 16 years old. The preacher went on a hateful rant about gay people and the fact that they were all going to hell.

Gay people do not choose to be gay. Why would anyone specifically choose something that would make their lives more difficult? Why should they be punished for all eternity for simply being themselves and living their truth? This did not make sense to me. I could not accept it.

I also could not accept people sitting around and bashing others for their weight, their race, their sexual choices, their looks or their financial status. Even though this is what I grew up in, it always felt wrong. The vicious way these people were spoken about always shocked me.

Take some time to pause and think for a minute:

Why do I hate this person so much?

Why is their lifestyle such a trigger for me?

What is the reason that I believe this? Is this really true?

Maybe it is time to try cooking the whole fish!

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