Today I begin the adventure of a lifetime. With my life’s belongings distilled into a single suitcase I dive into the belly of the beast.
I move into the center of the global fashion industry, New York City.
Almost two years ago I offered up myself to the universe as a catalyst for change. After being shamed for so long for this body I was born into and enduring the subtle and not so subtle ways that people in fat bodies are discriminated against on the daily I decided that I wanted to do something about it.
I wanted to be one of the people who changes the way we define beauty in society. I wanted to help others realize that they are good and beautiful just the way they are.
Since then a million “impossible” doors have opened.
The past couple months while waiting on my work permit I have doubted myself more than ever before. The old voices of self doubt and fear often overwhelmed me. How am I going to do this? Am I good enough? Is this really happening?
I have had the following conversation dozens of times:
“I heard you are moving to New York. What are you doing to do?”
“I am signed with an agency I am going to be a model.”
Pause. Blank/ confused stare.
“A plus sized model.”
“Oh how cool, that’s interesting.”
It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people…how does someone with Sarah’s body get to go to NYC to work with a modelling agency?
These mixed reactions from people really caused me to doubt myself, and to feel very “not myself” and triggered a period of deep introspection.
I guess this upset me so much because maybe a part of me can’t believe that this is actually happening. A part of me worries that I may not be good enough.
Being a member of the body positivity community and a size diversity advocate does not make you immune to having periods of insecurity or fear.
Being a generally confident person does not mean that sometimes you don’t doubt yourself or that other peoples opinions do not affect you sometimes.
Today I remembered it’s really not about me. All that fear and self consciousness comes from the ego, this work that I have offered myself to do comes from the heart. The universe has brought me this far, and I am excited and willing to see how I can serve by helping to inspire and empower others.
People’s reactions are a symptom of the problem. These cultural attitudes are exactly what I seek to change.
I long for the day when plus sized women are just women and curve models are just models. When the labels and stigmas associated with fat, race, age, sexuality and ability are removed and the underlying truth that all of us are good and worthy and human will finally become mainstream.
Today I close one chapter of my life and open another. Time to create some magic.
Here are some gorgeous looks from www.shein.com they have fabulous plus sized clothing at reasonable prices.
Use the coupon code to enjoy 15% off: curvytrini15
It is 15% off based on discounted price and ONLY valid for the order over $59 of plus-size items.